White Denim & Self

I am ECSTATIC. It feels like spring outside! The clouds cleared and most of the snow has melted (sorry Boston)! I have been holding onto these jeans for a month or two waiting for it to be clean enough outside to wear (no muddy snow). And it has finally arrived!

Like, so happy right?!

When I was growing up, I saw that my body was a little different than most girls in my neighborhood (the white suburbs of America). I didn't have boxy hips. I was always a lot taller than most girls my age and I was strong. I had big thighs, wide hips, and a big butt. I took a sewing class one semester in high school and was so embarassed of my hip size, that I never completed one of my projects which was to finish a pair of pajama pants. I would rather have failed than have to admit to myself that I was bigger than all the other girls.

I was terrified of pants since I was always so bottom heavy. I had one pair that I wore over and over and over because I was too afraid of trying on something else and needing to go up a size. All of my shirts were on point, but I only wore one pair of pants. Which leads me to the title of this blog post: White Denim and Self. Me? Wear white denim? White makes you look fuller. Dark colors slim you down. How am I ever going to pull off the adorably chic white denim for spring?

The older I've gotten the more I've realized how all my fears are a bunch of nonesense. Pushed into my brain by the media (of course), and society but worst of all, other women. Why do we all think it's ok to be unhappy with ourselves? Why do we all think we deserve to be miserable? Happiness is a choice; a state of mind. Ask any man that same question and the self-hatred drastically drops. Everyone has a list of things they need to work on with themselves, but why have some basic bitch's idea of perfection looming over all the other little things we cram onto it?! It truly is a bunch of nonesense.

And guess what!? I look FANTASTIC. I love these pants and I love the way I look in them! I am the most fit I have ever been in my life because I want me to feel better. But in the end, it's not about a number or how good we think we do or don't look. It's all about choosing to see the good and choosing to be the good we want to be. Boxy, petite, curvy, or athletic, you are you and there never was and never will be anyone else like you ever again.